I feel entrapped.

I am the first to admit that I like things to run smoothly. When they do not, I am a mess. My family teases me that I have border line OCD tendencies. We laugh and joke about it, but in fact it is not far from the truth. I do like things in order. However, the past few years, I have learned to let a few things go. It’s okay. The wisdom comes in knowing the balance. Sometimes things happen in life where you are forced to put total trust and dependence on the Lord. I guess Type A people may find this a little more difficult. When there is no plan, faith must step in the picture.

Today, though, I feel entrapped. What must I do? Call upon the Lord and totally trust. When an animal or fish tries to free itself from a hunter’s net, it actually becomes more entangled. I admit that I have been fighting to free myself. It is time to stop. My strength cannot hold up any longer. Be still and humbly call upon the Lord and His goodness. He will hear me. I remember His promise that He will take care of the faithful. He will save me. I have hope!

(Psalm 31): In You I put my trust. Please listen to me and save me quickly. You are my rock. Guide me. Free me from the entrapment I am in. Have mercy on me, Lord. Be gracious to me for I am troubled. My strength does not hold up because of my affliction. Let me not feel bad that I called upon you. I fear you, Lord. How great you are and your goodness! You have heard me. You take care of the faithful. Don’t lose hope; be brave, and He will make your heart strong. Hope!

"let perseverance run its course"

Brothers and sisters in Christ, we should be joyful when we face challenges that test our faith, because we learn patience. With these experiences we let perseverance run its course. Then we reach maturity in our faith and lack not a single thing (James 1:2-4).

I have read these verses a thousand times and even quoted this scripture regularly, but today the meaning of letting perseverance run its course took on a whole new meaning. I often paid attention to the fact that we learn patience during a time of testing. That is understood. God teaches His children this character trait whether we whole heartily want to learn it or not. Then the phrase “let perseverance run its course” struck me to the core. I realized we cannot hurry the time of testing; it must play itself out. I am incapable of setting a time limit on a trial period. Paul’s words be content in all circumstances now ring loud and clear in my mind (Philippians 4:11). Without perseverance running its course, there is no way that we can reach maturity. We would lack true understanding of endurance.

A Thanksgiving Feast!

It’s interesting how my understanding of scriptures becomes clearer during times of trial. I have to remember regardless of what the enemy throws at me that God has a feast table prepared for me. A Thanksgiving Feast! I can be in the worst of situations and be joyful, because I am sitting at a table prepared for a child of the King. I am eating all my favorite foods. The enemy cannot touch the table, me or even…my joy. God’s goodness and His compassion is forever present in my life. He is right here with me.

My relationship with the Lord brings true joy- my cup runs over. This overflow is easy to think about during the holiday season. Picture a delicious latte topped with whipped cream and chocolate shavings flowing right over the cup. MMmmm. God blesses us in the same way. The greatest blessing as God’s children is that we have the power of the Holy Spirit living within us. He gives us the strength to rejoice in all circumstances. Therefore, I am to learn to rejoice in all situations. In 1 Peter we are reminded to give God all praise and glory, because we have living hope. Peter teaches us that suffering proves our faith. All things result in praise and honor. All glory to Him! (1: 3-7) Rejoice in all things. Help me learn. Thanks, Lord, You make it possible that I can feast at a table in front of the enemy and still be at peace.

“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. ⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” (Psa. 23)

Clear my thoughts of fear, my Great Shepherd!

Psalm 23 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. ² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. ³ He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. ⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. ⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. ⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Everyone walks through a valley at some point in their lives, maybe several “valley experiences”. I have ventured that way before on the mission field. But this valley experience of chronic pain seems a lot different. But as I go, I am learning new things. The message I keep hearing is: “God is teaching, strengthening and empowering you. You must allow your faith to grow stronger.”

One way that my faith grows is by not fearing evil. Fear is not of God. I will be honest; I have feared the severe “migraine-type” pain that pops up randomly. I have experienced pain before, but nothing compared to this. I have concluded that I must not dwell on the unknown but take comfort that the Lord’s rod and staff are there to comfort me.

The rod is used to fight off the wolves of danger. The wolf strikes to bite, but God fights him off with the rod for me. That includes taking my thoughts captive. When thoughts of fear fly, I compare them to the sharp teeth of a wolf aimed to attack. I trust in the Lord to clear my thoughts of fear- that violent wolf image. When I wonder off in this direction, His staff brings me back into his arms of comfort. The rod fights for me and the staff reaches out to protect me-bringing me back to Him. Thank you, my Great Shepherd!

My Healing Process

There are several things that have been vital to my healing process:

1) brothers and sisters in Christ that have continually prayed for me
2) my families' encouragement, care and support
3) good doctors and therapist
4) employer
5) Christmas music
6) Christian and motivational books
7) journaling
8) our backyard deck for resting
9) good diet (definitely included apples from Ellijay, Ga)
10) exercising with Bourne, our lab
And most of all...
11) God's Word