do not forget about us
Sometimes it’s hard to talk to a
person who is hurting really badly. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to what a
hurting person says. Job was angry with his friends for not being able to
comfort him (Job 6-7). He called them “undependable” (6:15) and “of no help”
(6:21); that’s hard to hear when you’re trying to cheer somebody up.
This topic points
to an area many people in pain do not like to discuss. I looked to Buck as my “savior”.
I heard doctors say they did not know what was wrong with me. All my tests were
coming back negative. Yet, Buck was my best friend and a strategist by nature,
and I just knew he was going to solve my problem. Looking back, I did not treat
him fairly. Deep down I felt that if Buck could not figure it out, then I was
ruined. I never verbally said that he was “undependable”. However, I wonder if
I did not wrestle with the thought subconsciously.
We have actually
thought through some of these feelings since my healing.
But Job’s inner fight was with God,
and he questioned God’s purpose for allowing him to have the physical and
emotional pain he felt. His pain was making him
lose his fear of God (6:14). He describes his body’s sores (7:5) and his loss
of hope (7:7). At one point Job asked God to go ahead and kill him (6:8-9).
Since God created your life, is it His right to decide when you will die? Does
God have the right to make you a “target” to punish (7:20)? Can God decide what
He will forgive and not forgive (7:21)? What a hurting person sometimes
questions about God reveals where his real theology is. But God is bigger than
our questions and better than any words our pain wants to say.
All along I knew
that my inner fight was my questioning God, but it just seemed easier to handle
the stress when I had someone to depend on for my “salvation”. I cried in anguish
to God. I was at my weakest point- point of despair. I felt like Judah did in
Jerimiah 14: 1-9. There was a drought in their land, and they cried in anguish “leave
us not” because the city wells, grounds and fields were barren and dry (verse
9b). I can relate to their hopelessness. I pleaded for God to hear me in
relation to my healing. But for a long time, all I heard was silence. I remember
lying on the floor and looking at the ceiling for hours praying for a moment of
relief, praying for a miracle, or just praying for an answer. Honestly, I wanted
the doctors to say something was wrong, so we could start to fix the problem.
Time after time and visit after visit, I heard the same silence.
So, there was a time
that I even asked God to take me. Thinking back now, I see how selfish that was
for me to even question God. God knew what He was allowing in my life. I have
not yet figured it all out, but I know He has given me another chance.
My prayers then
turned in the form of pleas admitting my sin. Have you thought about praying like this-
at the point of desperation- and begging God to hear you?
Prayer: Our sins show our guilt, Lord. Please help me.
I have backslidden immensely; my sins have offended You. You are my only hope
in this time of ultimate despair. You seem as a stranger to me right now, like
a person that passes by me unknown. It is as if You are a soldier that has been
approached unaware, unarmed and stunned. However, I know that You are right
here with me. I know this, Lord. Others may think the opposite. I know that I
am Yours. Please do not forget about me (Jeremiah 14:7-9)!!!!
-"I named him Anxiety." by Buck and Leslie Burch
