We used to sing a song, “Father Abraham had many sons.” But not all
of Abraham’s sons were children of Promise, God’s chosen. One of Abraham’s sons
through one of his wives was Shuah (Gen 25:2), and one of his descendants was
Bildad, a friend of Job. Bildad’s problem was that he limited God based on his
tradition (Job 8:8). Bildad had two points for Job’s pain: 1) History teaches
that God ONLY lets pain come to punish sins (8:3-4), and 2) History teaches
that God ALWAYS gives relief to anyone who
prays for it (8:5-6). The problem with defining God by history is that God is
bigger than that and sometimes He does things in a new way (Is 43:19). God
doesn’t ONLY let pain come as a result of sinful actions. And God doesn’t
ALWAYS answer our prayers for pain relief in the way we want. Not all of
Abraham’s sons knew God the way Job was coming to know Him.
God did not answer
my pain problem in the way I wanted. I am still trying to figure it out. My
journey seemed to take a turn I was not expecting. I am coming to know God in a
new way.
Having been on
so many types of medicine, I had withdrawals systems like most addicts. Even
though my experience was one that was not the normal street drug issue. I still
experienced some of the same detoxing symptoms (i.e., shivers, shakes, dry mouth,
fatigue, nausea, suicidal thoughts, etc.)
My continued traumatic
experience was one that was indirectly ordered by doctors’ hands-prescriptions.
Am I blaming the doctors? No, but I will say this. You must pray and watch
before you choose to go a route that may not be the best for you.
My daughter is a
Physician’s Assistant. I highly regard the medical field. In my situation, though,
the doctors could not find anything wrong. Therefore, my pain became questionable.
Was the pain real? I could see this question form in some doctor’s eyes. I knew
it was real and Buck did. But, it had gotten to the point that they knew that nothing
could be done for me. So, my only next steps in the field of medicine were
seeing a doctor of psychiatry and doctors of pain management. Buck had warned
me of this. Buck always knows. My best friend!
I soon made the
conclusion that my pain was a result of nerves. No physical issues were evident.
All my tests were normal. I was normal.
There is a fine
line from where pain stems. Is it real? Yes. However, nerve pain is not
physical. True. I did not have an accident that caused a brake or wound. But,
my issue was painful. Nerve pain. I knew my pain was legitimate; however, it
was difficult for me to explain. Piercing, cutting, constant burning on the top
and back of my head!
What led to me
trying new medications, I believe led me to more pain. We believe that since
the medicine was not helping my pain, it started to mask it. My darling, Buck,
looked at me after four years of “trying” new prescriptions and said, “No more.
Not my wife.” I was given certain types of medications that became addictive in
nature.
I remember the
day he begged me. He said, “Leslie, nothing is working. Come off everything. If
nothing works, why take it? I know it will be hard, but God will bless it. He
will heal you. You do not need to be addicted to anything. God will not honor
this. It does not work anyway. Let’s try some natural things and see what
works.”
I told him, “God
is not going to heal me. He has not in four years, and He does not plan on it now.”
Buck held to his statement. And out of complete desperation, I said, “Okay.”
I am so glad I submitted.
I was limiting God just like Bildad. I never thought my pain was a result of
sin. I knew God could heal me. I was just so tired. I was giving up. The faith
of my family and friends held me together though.
The
problem with defining God by history is that God is bigger than that and
sometimes He does things in a new way (Is 43:19). He decided to do things in a new way
with me. Thank God that He spared my life! He can spare yours. I am living proof.
Prayer: God help me. I believe!
-I Named Him Anxiety, Buck and Leslie Burch
