a new way

 

We used to sing a song, “Father Abraham had many sons.” But not all of Abraham’s sons were children of Promise, God’s chosen. One of Abraham’s sons through one of his wives was Shuah (Gen 25:2), and one of his descendants was Bildad, a friend of Job. Bildad’s problem was that he limited God based on his tradition (Job 8:8). Bildad had two points for Job’s pain: 1) History teaches that God ONLY lets pain come to punish sins (8:3-4), and 2) History teaches that God ALWAYS gives relief to anyone who prays for it (8:5-6). The problem with defining God by history is that God is bigger than that and sometimes He does things in a new way (Is 43:19). God doesn’t ONLY let pain come as a result of sinful actions. And God doesn’t ALWAYS answer our prayers for pain relief in the way we want. Not all of Abraham’s sons knew God the way Job was coming to know Him.

 God did not answer my pain problem in the way I wanted. I am still trying to figure it out. My journey seemed to take a turn I was not expecting. I am coming to know God in a new way.

 Having been on so many types of medicine, I had withdrawals systems like most addicts. Even though my experience was one that was not the normal street drug issue. I still experienced some of the same detoxing symptoms (i.e., shivers, shakes, dry mouth, fatigue, nausea, suicidal thoughts, etc.)

 My continued traumatic experience was one that was indirectly ordered by doctors’ hands-prescriptions. Am I blaming the doctors? No, but I will say this. You must pray and watch before you choose to go a route that may not be the best for you.

 My daughter is a Physician’s Assistant. I highly regard the medical field. In my situation, though, the doctors could not find anything wrong. Therefore, my pain became questionable. Was the pain real? I could see this question form in some doctor’s eyes. I knew it was real and Buck did. But, it had gotten to the point that they knew that nothing could be done for me. So, my only next steps in the field of medicine were seeing a doctor of psychiatry and doctors of pain management. Buck had warned me of this. Buck always knows. My best friend!

I soon made the conclusion that my pain was a result of nerves. No physical issues were evident. All my tests were normal. I was normal.

 There is a fine line from where pain stems. Is it real? Yes. However, nerve pain is not physical. True. I did not have an accident that caused a brake or wound. But, my issue was painful. Nerve pain. I knew my pain was legitimate; however, it was difficult for me to explain. Piercing, cutting, constant burning on the top and back of my head!

 What led to me trying new medications, I believe led me to more pain. We believe that since the medicine was not helping my pain, it started to mask it. My darling, Buck, looked at me after four years of “trying” new prescriptions and said, “No more. Not my wife.” I was given certain types of medications that became addictive in nature.

I remember the day he begged me. He said, “Leslie, nothing is working. Come off everything. If nothing works, why take it? I know it will be hard, but God will bless it. He will heal you. You do not need to be addicted to anything. God will not honor this. It does not work anyway. Let’s try some natural things and see what works.”

 I told him, “God is not going to heal me. He has not in four years, and He does not plan on it now.” Buck held to his statement. And out of complete desperation, I said, “Okay.”

I am so glad I submitted. I was limiting God just like Bildad. I never thought my pain was a result of sin. I knew God could heal me. I was just so tired. I was giving up. The faith of my family and friends held me together though.

 The problem with defining God by history is that God is bigger than that and sometimes He does things in a new way (Is 43:19). He decided to do things in a new way with me. Thank God that He spared my life! He can spare yours. I am living proof.

Prayer: God help me. I believe!

 -I Named Him Anxiety, Buck and Leslie Burch