"God, please, change me," I cry.

A Changed Life. Since I truly desire to positively influence others, I often wonder if I have really made an impact on anyone’s life. The yearning in my life to minister and tell The Story is so strong; therefore, I really try so hard to do or say the right things to others. I “feel” as if it is my responsibility. To take part in the transformation process in a person’s life is so fulfilling. I have had the opportunity to sit down and talk with several authors, speakers and people that have impacted hundreds for Christ. I only dream of doing such a thing.

Sometimes I feel like I cannot bear the weight any longer. Am I doing all I can to disciple my kids? Is my husband closer to the Lord because of something I said or did? Are any ladies that I have come in contact with any better because I took the time to care? How many have come to Christ because I was prepared to share?

At the time my husband and I were helping with a new church start on the island in Saint Petersburg, Russia, where we lived and worked as missionaries, I remember an incidence so vividly how God worked in Luda’s life. While attending this church plant, the Lord impressed upon my heart to encourage a specific believer. Luda and I began praying periodically. We prayed for personal prayer requests as well as a group to start meeting in her home. She wanted to reach out to her neighbors. We prayed, if I remember correctly, for about six months together. Nothing happened. I became discouraged. Summer time approached and Luda moved from the city to the outskirts of Saint Petersburg for the season. This is very common among the Russians. They move to the country to enjoy the fresh air, rest and even plant a garden. By August they are prepared to gather the harvest. The most interesting thing happened while she was there. She said:

Three years ago my sister Leslie came up to me and asked, “Why don’t we pray that the Lord somehow would help you reach your neighbors and tell them about Him?” We began praying. We did not know how it would all work out. But in the summer, we decided to buy some land…We traveled south to a village called Tropkino (Path) where it would be a little warmer….

My husband left and went home to St. Petersburg. I decided to read the Bible in the countryside out in the open foliage. While I was reading out loud, two storks came nearby and appeared to be listening to me read. When I opened the Bible I read, “Go and tell.” I felt like the Lord was telling me, “Go and tell.”

The next week I went to the mobile shop and asked the villagers if they had a Bible. They said that they have never held a Bible in their hands. I asked, “Would you like for me to give you a Bible?” Their response was, “Yes, we want one.”

I called my husband, Sasha, in St. Pete and told him to bring all the Bibles that he could find. He found and brought many Bibles. We gave the Bibles to the people, including the children. In Pskov oblast (region), they thanked me and kissed me. Later they came to me and said, “We cannot read the writing in such a small font.” I said, “Let me be your eyes. Why not we meet every Sunday for me to read to you?”

We began meeting and God allowed this to be a time for me to bond with my neighbors. This time of fellowship was in the open countryside. We gathered and read the Bible. I tried to answer all their questions. We met this way all summer, and to this day I still relate to them.

…older women came to me through the forest on Sundays, as not to be seen. They said that it was pleasurable how I read and how we related spiritually. Four repented and accepted Christ in their heart….That is the story how God miraculously answers prayers! We asked that God would bless with a group in my apartment, but we see that God has His own plans. Our thoughts are not His thoughts. His plans are not our plans. This is how a Russian saying goes. In that way, the place opened for us to tell others about God in the village Tropkino.
-Ludmilla B., Interview, 2007

The Lord allowed a harvest to be gathered that summer, though, in a different city. Luda was instrumental in not only planting seeds but also in reaping a new field. God is faithful to answer our request. I will be honest. I became very disheartened during the last few months we were praying, because no results were visible. Luda had such a strong desire to see her neighbors come to a Bible study. We received an answer to this prayer a little different than expected.

We prayed God would provide a group in Saint Petersburg in her apartment, but God had different plans. When Luda left for the summer and returned, she immediately called me and shared her wonderful story with such excitement. She was so thrilled. God totally changed her, and she became bold in her witnessing. I suddenly realized God does have His own plans. We must live for the moment and be committed to what He calls us to do day-by-day. It is important that we never doubt His direction.


It has been a privilege to see what God is doing in Russia. Luda was different after that experience. If I am really honest, though, the life changed is mine, too. Luda impacted my life; she influenced me. Luda’s strong belief and boldness is planted in my mind forever.

Today I realized something that I should have understood a long, long time ago. If I want to encourage others in a mighty way, I allow Christ to first modify me. I have met great leaders of today and read about those in the Bible like Moses who led the children of Israel through the desert and Abraham, the father, whose descendents were as numerous as the stars— to be a person like that! Of course, we cannot forget David, a writer of the psalms. Isaiah, the great prophet, was not really remembered for his message to the people but that he said, “Here am I; send me.” (Isaiah 6: 8)

Are these people really known because of their works? No. Their greatest accomplishments are not what they did but who they were in Christ— their transformation. David was a man that begged God to know his heart and lead him to the way that is everlasting (Psalm 139). Moses, Abraham, and Noah did everything through faith (Hebrews 11). The overarching factor is not their deeds but their faith. “By faith, may I be used for You. Search me. Make me. Mold me. Fill me. Guide me. Lead me. Here I am, Lord. Use me. God, please, change me,” I cry.

-Journal: The Chosen Path, L. Burch, 2009