Journal Entry: no where to go

“Today I must share about our reoccurring plight to stay in country year after year. Our lifestyle is one of change. We are not guaranteed tomorrow in country. The sooner we learned this; the more relaxed we became living here. What a strange way of putting it! Relaxed. How can a person be relaxed and not know what tomorrow holds? My experience for learning this lesson happened a few years ago.

We left for visa renewal as we always do annually. This time, in 2005, we traveled to Finland as we had many times before. Matter of fact, over the past few years, we traveled to another country month after month for various reasons to be able to return and to live in Russia. The law requires that we be given an invitation by an inviting organization. We then approach the government with a request to live here. After gaining an invitation, we exit the country expecting to return in a day.

For many years I have been “nesting” or trying to make a home for my family. However, I fully know that one day we may not receive permission to stay. Being a mom, my responsibility is to make my family feel comfortable anywhere. Full understanding of all of this did not really become clear until I walked out of the Russian embassy in Helsinki, Finland, that day.

We sat for hours in a crowded building while awaiting a new visa. While trying to entertain my young children in the lobby, I looked up and saw Buck’s face at the agent’s window. I immediately knew something was wrong. We were told that we could not return to Russia until further notice. We must wait two weeks for a yes or no reply. There we were with only one change of clothes. I do not really remember walking out of the embassy and boarding a tram. Traveling I do not know where, for we had nowhere to go.

The feeling of rejection was so overwhelming that as soon as I sat down I began to cry. I felt so useless. As tears were streaming down my face, the Lord helped me put things into perspective. Sure, thoughts of what to do surfaced. Where are we going to stay? What about clothes? How much money do we have? Do we just ride the tram forever?

As soon as my eyes scanned the seats around me, I saw my family. In a quiet voice the Lord said, “This is all that matters. You have your family. They are what matters. Your things, your clothes, do not matter. You are together. It does not matter where you are in this world.” Then God called to memory a devotion that I had just started jotting down in my journal before I left.

Read Isaiah 48:17; 49:1-6
Key Passage: Listen to me, o islands; and pay attention, you distant nations. -Isaiah 49:1a

We may see God’s beautiful creation everyday. We may live in places that we call home. We may work with people that we love. We may travel many roads though only once. We may look through our apartment windows as if for the last time and realize we are finally beginning to understand our new culture. We may laugh and cry with our brothers and sisters. We may be comfortable. We may feel welcome in our new land. But then one day comes and because of outside circumstances, we are not sure about where we will be tomorrow.

Looking into God’s Word, we can be comforted by His Message to us. The Lord says that we are His servants. The Lord knew us before we were born. He called us by name. He gives us the words to speak. Our words and thoughts are not important; it is His words that matter. We remember that He keeps us in the palms of His hands and protects us. He perfects us and makes us useful for His work. God wants to display His splendor through us.

However, sometimes we feel as if we have worked for no purpose. Sometimes we question our worth. We may ask God, “Have we labored in vain for nothing here?” Then we are reminded from His word what is given to us is in the Lord’s hands. Our reward comes from Him. And our greatest reward is our relationship with Him. Our reward is with our God!

The Lord wants us to be satisfied with the fact that we are given the privilege to be His servants. We are to be lights to the Gentiles and to encourage and disciple His children. No matter where we are, where we call home, or what our positions are, He will allow us to bring salvation to the earth through our witness (Isaiah 49:1-6). This means no matter where we are in this world! We are not tied to things, places or one group of people. We are on a mission.

Maybe certain circumstances happen so that we might mature spiritually and begin to see with God’s eyes the plan for our mission— to not focus on the uncertainties that life brings but see the vision that the Lord had for us in the beginning. We are to be lights to the Gentiles so that we can bring His salvation to the world! And while we are being His servant, we can remember that we have security, we have stability, and we need not worry about where we will be tomorrow. The Lord says: “your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord your God who teaches you success, who leads you in the way you should go.” (Isaiah 48:17)
-A Winter’s Path, devotion 47

We are on a mission with a message. We are missionaries no matter what geographic location we have been called. After investigation of our files, two weeks later we were given permission to return.

The laws for registration have changed many times over the years. Presently (winter 2006-2007) we have just learned that we possibly have a minimal number of days left in Russia for this year. Because of immigration laws and circumstances, apparently the government is allowing foreigners to live in country for only a total of 90 out of 180 days. Again we are reminded: Who knows what tomorrow holds? God knows and He will lead us in the way to go! We trust in that fact, but the wait is so long. I remember talking to Buck one morning about the possibilities. I have never experienced a wait so long just to find out one piece of information. I am not worried about tomorrow; I just want a quick glimpse of what it might hold. He left that day to attend a conference with church planters, but before he ended our morning conversation time he said, “A long wait means a big change.”

It is interesting how when a transition is about to take place that God seems to be preparing me for something new. I am totally at peace, but there is something I can not “put my finger on” as the old saying goes. Because of what seems to be a feeling of restlessness stirring in my soul, I have tried to resolve these whirling desires by various means. I have placed out a fleece (Judges 6:37) or two, asked for a word from the Lord, suddenly read a specific scripture for a time period or felt the Lord’s moving in a certain direction. However, this time it has been a long wait. God seemed to be preparing me months before we even heard of this new law. Really the new rules have little to do with my feelings of a pull to earnestly pray. I have asked concerning this matter and waited but have not yet heard an answer. Then one day it dawned on me; I was to listen, not to keep asking. For about a year now, Buck and I have been in fervent prayer, even fasted, for God to reveal and affirm His plans. I felt the Lord telling me it was time to “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). I guess it was time for me to grow up some. That is spiritually, in a manner of speaking.

I talked to my dad the other day on the phone about these very thoughts. I told him that I had such inner peace. I know that God is leading in all circumstances and changes that are currently encircling our lives. However, sometimes I am impatient. My dad said to keep exercising patience. I laughed and said, “Okay, when I am physically exercising every morning, I will keep pushing forward and endure until this day’s workout time is over.”

With the thought of just a few days left in an area, my frame of mind changed as well as others’. Why does it take such a shock for me to be reminded of the urgency, the need, to spread the Gospel? My desire to share Christ should be so strong that I am compelled to act at once, because last days are approaching. I know that God does not need me, but praise Him that He chose to use me. So, what am I doing for Him? The question is: If today was my last day, how would I spend it— fretting or being about the Father’s business? Soon He is coming to take His Church. Will anyone be there with whom I shared?

Personal evangelism, church planting and church developing seemed to be on the top of our list of responsibilities, not that these tasks ever ceased. With the idea of exiting, though, I desired to do all that was possible. We worked as the days counted down.

Our family traveled to Tallinn, Estonia, in the middle of March 2008. We had to leave and reenter Russia for these same registration purposes. We heard from the foreign minister’s office when we returned, and they reserved the right to call us and tell us that we had until the end of the month to leave the country. We had already been in Russia more than the allotted days for that specific year. However, they stamped us through June. We had done everything that we were required to do; therefore, we were granted the minimal months after our new entrance. We moved forward each day as if it may be the last.

Since a missionary’s life is one of constant change, I had to maintain proper perspective. While reading in Jeremiah the other day, I related my predicament to a specific passage (Jeremiah 35). God commanded a certain tribe to never settle down and to live in tents from place to place. They obeyed without question, not really knowing why. Then years and years later God was able to use this family branch as an example of obedience to the children of Israel. We are just to obey and daily walk with Him, even though unable to fully understand how it all makes sense. I wonder where my tent will be pitched next.”
-The Chosen Path, journal entry “no where to go”, 2008, L. Burch