I named him "Anxiety"....

I guess it is time. I put it off long enough. Maybe I wonder what people will think. Well, I realize that it only matters what God thinks. Since Job was normal, I am, too. I remember when the Lord led Buck through the book of Job. I was dealing with chronic, daily pain. Perfect timing. Yet, I did not want to read anything that spoke to pain.                                                    


These are the words that Buck wrote:

“There are Christian counselors out there who have been trained to deal with people who live through pain, sometimes very traumatic pain. In Job’s ongoing conversation with his friends, he outlines what he and they both know about God (Job 12), what Job wants from God (Job 13), and how that compares to his current experience of pain (Job 14). Yet so far, none of their counseling has helped him. In fact, he says ‘men at ease have contempt for misfortune’ (12:5); in other words, he didn’t think they really could understand or help. Job believed in a God Who gives life (12:10), Who is wise (12:13) and powerful (12:14-16), Who reveals truth (12:22) and Who raises up nations and leaders at His will (12:23-25). Yet what Job wants from God is to talk to Him and have Him hear his hurt (13:3). He was sick of his friends’ trite maxims and pat answers for his pain (13:12). Job wanted to trust God (13:15) that this pain would mean something in the end (13:16). He wanted his pain to stop (13:21) and to understand why he was hurting (13:24). But neither Job’s beliefs about God nor his desires for God’s intervention helped him overcome some of the deep effects of chronic pain: troubled days (14:1), loneliness (14:6), thoughts of death (14:10), and depression (14:22). Apparently his friends really weren’t capable of counseling Job. And that makes me pray harder for people God uses to bring emotional/psychological healing to a person who experiences pain.”

I did appreciate all the prayers. It makes sense now, however, that when you are going through a hard time it is hard for someone to understand unless they have experienced something similar. I relate to Job’s thoughts in that he did not think men could really understand or help. Doctor after doctor and loved ones after loved ones wanted to help but nothing we tried or did worked. I seemed to have taken every medication on the market and even went all natural and tried chiropractor help, eastern acupuncture, and oil therapy. I even saw counselors. Just like Job, though, I needed God to tell me why and if the pain would stop. I needed God to listen to my hurt.

Was He going to heal me? I was selfish, and wanted the pain, the suffering, the anxiety, and the accompanied depression to be taken away. But what was His will? I soon fell into depression and anxiety began to take over after about 2 ½ years. I quit work. I did not want to leave home. I knew I should, and Buck did his best to make me go out if nothing but to ride in the car as he shopped for the groceries.

Then after another year the most overwhelming thoughts started to surface. I did not want to live anymore. I sat in bed at night and looked at the ceiling praying for sleep like my loved ones in the house. I could not rest in the pain and it was hard to make it through the day in pain. Was there any relief? I then began to ask the Lord to take me home. I did not really want to leave my family and definitely not pass away before my parents, but I could not see an end or a purpose anymore.

I used to enjoy living but the pain began to talk. The monster in my closet surfaced and I named him "Anxiety". It got to the point that I feared everything even eating. The pain was so horrendous I felt like I could not even breathe. I started reading and studying about anxiety and depression for I wanted out. However, the pain kept talking. Life just got darker and darker. I knew God was there, but I felt like He was not talking to me. Why could I not hear anything?

Doctors would genuinely look at me with such compassion. Because no one knew what was wrong, I wondered if they believed my pain was even real. All test were normal. They wanted to discover what was wrong in order to fix it. But I seemed to keep hitting a brick wall with no answers.

I want to encourage prayer warriors today. Do not stop praying for someone experiencing pain or hurt. Emotional and psychological healing does come. It comes in God’s timing not our timing. Do not give up. No one gave up on me. And for that I am thankful. I want to publicly say thank you to all those prayer warriors for not giving up on me even though I temporarily gave up on the battle.

I am working again. I am eating and sleeping again. Life is great. I was given another chance to live “free of pain”. I know that God answered the prayers of the people that cried out for me. I love you for that. I wanted to say, though, if you are hurting, do not give up. God is still listening. He hears your cry for help. He hears the prayers of others. I know. You see, I am living proof. How can I pray for you? It is not as dark as it seems. Satan is a deceiver. Job and I listened to the wrong voice at times. No one escapes dark valleys or suffering. But guess what? God is really there and He is leading you out. It is time to start climbing the mountain again. How can I help? Do you need someone to listen? Contact me. This is my story.

Contact email: lesburch@gmail.com