For wearing the crown...thank you...

I have head pain daily but to no extent to the prior pain I once felt. I remember one day when I was in the doctor’s office at the Mayo Clinic, I described my pain similar to a crown of thorns. The doctor looked at me interestingly and said that he had never heard it put like that before. I immediately explained that I in no way was comparing my so called crown to the one my Lord wore that day as He suffered and walked to his death on a hill called Golgotha.

The head pain I suffer with is more like pins and needles than throbbing migraine pain. Though I was once diagnosed with migraine, I began to believe it was more like occipital neuralgia-a nerve type pain. Basically I had a sharp discomfort that would radiate through my scalp. The nerves seemed to fire off constantly. I longed to sleep every night in hopes that I would not feel the pain. I remember sitting for hours just staring at the ceiling in my home and asking God “why.”

I know it was not for me to question, but I just could not understand what I had done wrong to deserve such pain. Pain that would never go away. As I sit here writing right now, I have some pain. It is always present; though, now it is so low I never complain. Once you feel like you have been in the miry clay to finally be out on solid ground, your attitude toward live changes. You are happy to wake up every day and enjoy whatever comes your way. You see the world through a different lens. Especially when you know that God has given you another chance to live. A life “free” of pain.

And yet I cannot help but think of that day when my Savior walked to His known death bleeding for you and me. He was mocked and ridiculed in a way that we would never understand. And while on the cross, He asked the Father to “forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Our Savior was so compassionate that even in the moments of His worst pain and suffering, He was merciful.

He stood up against the powers of Hell and the Grave. And he defeated it. He rose again on the third day. When His side was pierced, the sacrificial blood poured out to “wash” our sins away, He cried out: “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46) He was so alone during that dark hour. It was a task that he had to bear alone.

I will admit that I often felt like God had forgotten about me during those years of my harsh pain. But how foolish I was to ever think such a thing! When the pain continued day after day and night after night, I soon gave up. I did not want to live anymore. How selfish I was to have even had the thought!

When someone suffers with chronic pain, he/she is susceptible to depression and anxiety. I am in no way making an excuse for my thoughts. And my anxiety story I will save for another day. However, my depression seemed to just take over. I could read the book of Job and feel like I understood the man.

But let me explain. Because of the Lord’s mercy, I am able to tell my story. It is Resurrection Weekend, and I only think of my Savior. The One who died for me. Yes, I once likened my head pain to a piercing crown of thorns, but I in no way understand the pain that my Lord felt that day.

No matter what we go through or how we have to suffer, it will never compare to the sacrifice He made almost 2000 years ago on the cross. He looked down and had pity on the very ones that nailed Him to that tree. And he looked down and had pity on me. Thank you Lord, for wearing the crown. I love you!